I need motivation.

2009 is nearing its end and I am excited to see what 2010 will bring. A lot of things happened for me this year. The biggest thing of course would be that Matt and I got married. Finally. Only took five years. But it was definitely worth the wait. I couldn't have found a more loving, friendly, and fun person to spend the rest of my life with. Shortly after we got married I switched jobs with Wells Fargo and moved to Portland. I have loved living in the city of roses so much more than the town of hay and farmland.

Hmmm, well I guess that's all that really happened this year. I guess it felt like more because I guess the first half of my year revolved around the wedding.

I will eventually come up with something worth reading here.

xoxo
Ang.

Those were the wise words I unveiled in my fortune cookie tonight after eating my delicious beef and broccoli for dinner. I've always been somewhat suspicious of fortune cookies and wondered if you're supposed to eat the cookie part in order to have your fortune "come true". A part of me wonders if it is bad luck and the opposite will happen if you don't actually eat the cookie portion. I guess it's a good thing I don't invest in the suggested lottery numbers on the back. I hardly ever eat the actual cookie. For me all the joy comes from the fortune.

How would you even begin to determine the strengths of ones character? Strengths are all a matter of personal perception and what one sees as strength another sees as weakness. Things some people enjoy about themselves others find distasteful. Are there any characteristics that humans possess that one would always deem to be strong and admirable? Also if one possesses these characteristics how do we know that they are not expressed with ill intention. Do people do kind things for others because they want to? Do they do it because they want to look good in the eyes of others and enjoy being complimented for being so kind? Do you do things for friends because you truly want to or do you feel it is more of an obligation and that you will be viewed as a bad friend if you don't? I believe people do things based on how it reflects upon their character. Some do things to appear kind and friendly and others do things to appear evil and apathetic. It is all dependent on how you want others to view you. We always have the ability to decide whether or not we want to do something.

The strengths in your character will bring you serenity.

Is that based on ones personal opinion of their character or is it the opinion one believes everyone has about them that brings serenity?

I am thankful for Starbucks and the fact that they had the genius sense to create the pumpkin spice frappuccino. So addicting, so delicious.

I don't know what compelled me to come on here. Does anyone even still use this or has myspace and facebook completely taken over?

So who still frequents this thing?

So I decided I'd post for the hell of it.

I'm at a weird point in my life right now. Like I'm stuck between who I want to be, who I should be, and what I am. There's so many things I want back in my life. Good friends, family, the ability to forget all my obligations and just relax and have fun. Simple things. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I have tucked myself away into what I consider to be a safe life. I play by the rules and never try to step out of bounds. There's so much I want to say to people, so much I want to learn, so much I want to do, but I don't. I don't know what holds me back. But something obviously is. Unless of course this is just what I am and I don't have the ability overcome what I've turn myself into. I can honestly say I do not have a single friend in the world besides my boyfriend, whom I love dearly. But it hurts to feel as though I am only loved by one person when I have love for so many, I'm just not the best at showing it.

I am forgotten.

And I hate it.

Hate Hate Hate it.

I'm deleting my livejournal. It serves no purpose.

I'm writing with my new laptop. Yay!

I think I'm a workaholic. And I love it.

I soon will be extremely busy all the time. I'm going to keep my Meier & Frank job for now. To see if I can manage working both. They are willing to work around my bank schedule to keep me there. So I'll be working around 30 hours at the bank, 15-20 hours at M&F, plus 4 hours at the apartments..if I have the right hours open, plus once Spring break is over I'll be going to school, and I have a volunteer seminar thing to go to on the 21st so I can start volunteering at the hospital 4 hours a week or something like that. So I'm TECHNICALLY working enough hours to be earning overtime, but getting none. But oh well, at least I'll be busy and earning lots of money. And if after the month I find it too difficult...ie stressful to keep all my current tasks, I can just quit M&F and keep the rest. Hopefully between all my obligations, I can still find time for myself, my boyfriend, and my dogs. But I know the money is definitely going to be nice. I'll be pulling in over 1200 compared to now where I don't even make 500 :(. It's a good thing Matt got his new car. Otherwise none of this would be possible. Things are really working out great for us. Matt is also going to be working a definite 55 hours for the next three months, so together we'll be making close to 3000 a month. Which will give us a lot of extra money to save for future expenses...like buying our own house. Our poor dogs though. They will probably soon be spending a lot of time at Doggie Daycare. I'm sure they won't mind too much. But I feel like a bad mom not being able to spend more time with them at home. I start at the bank on the 27th. I am going to Portland for an all day seminar thing. I'm so happy with the way things are going. Except for the fact that I'm still fat. But hopefully that will soon change because I won't really have the time to sit and veg out.

I got the job!!!

I recently submitted an application to Wells Fargo. I don't know if I wrote about it previously or not, but anyways, a few days after I got the application I got a phone call from their screening company to ask me questions to see if I was what they were looking for. So I passed round 1. Round 2 consisted of a group interview, without 10 of us job seekers and 8 of their current employees working as a pannel of judges behind us. The interview was actually quite fun, and didn't feel to be 3 hours long. That's how much fun it was believe it or not. We got to interview a fellow job seeker and then present their skills to the group. Then we were asked about experiences in our past and what not. And after it was all said and done, they told us if they were interested we would be getting a call back and if not, then we would be getting an email saying "Thanks, but no thanks" their version of what they said was a little more professional but what I said is the truth behind the sugar coated words. So anyways, tonight while in class I got a call to go to Round 3. The three on one interview. Which is set for Monday at 9:15 am. Apparently I did something today to make them want me. I was the youngest out of the group. I think the one closest to me in age was 23. So I'm really happy I did this today. I was really reluctant to go this morning. Trying to do anything I could to get out of it. But Matt kept urging me to go, so I went. And it has really paid off so far. I just hope I can impress them enough to want to give me a job on Monday. Then no more Meier & Frank, at least not as much. I'm so stoked. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

So like Thomas, I took the online personality thing on eHarmony.com and like Thomas, apparently I'm not compatible enough for anyone lol. I guess Matt is stuck with me since no one else is good enough for me. Based on my responses, I pretty much concluded through my own analysis that my guy needs to be perfect, where I'm allowed to have flaws. haha. Maybe like Thomas I too am too smart for internet dating services. However, something tells me I'm much too demanding and bitchy and no guy would be crazy enough to want to end up with me.

So I went to the gym today (yay) and I noticed they were hiring. So after my workout I came home, showered, and turned in my resume and cover letter. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If working at a gym doesn't motivate you to workout, I don't know what will. Even if I only get the job at the tanning and juice bar I won't mind. Though I would much rather have a free gym membership than free tans. Anyways, while on the treadmill, I happened to be next to a freakin track runner, who at one point was running 10 mph. And here I am at my 7.2 busting my ass off. I must say though, I was trying to keep up with him, and had he not been there I would have probably settled at 6.5. But being next to that scrawny little track boy motivated me to push myself and I ended up getting through it. If he can do it, I can do it. So I ended up running 3.43 miles in 30 minutes, then walked another 5 minutes to finish at 3.87 miles in 35 minutes. Not to bad, but it could be a lot better. I started a weight loss ticker thing on my userinfo. I figure if I embarass myself by putting my weight up there, I will have to work to lose it, or everyone will know how much of a failure I am, and I cannot have that.
I then came home and had a healthy dinner. I grilled my a pork chop on the George Forman grill, had a salad with a little bit of dressing, and some cottage cheese. And much to my surprise I couldn't finish it all. But hell, I'm not going to complain, the less calories I consume, the better. And reading Fast Food Nation really makes me want to stop eating fast food. McDonalds an evil place. The company is beyond corrupt. And it's not just McDonalds. It's every fast food corporation out there. Evil Evil Evil!!! And it's really kind of gross when you think of what you're eating. Like everything at Taco Bell is frozen when it arrives, then prepared by adding hot water. Ew. Thinking about it makes me gag.
So that is where things stand as of now. I know it's not much. But to me it's something.

Ugh, I guess deciding to make dog treats at 12:00 at night isn't a good idea. These damn things take 30-40 minutes for each batch to bake, and I have 3-4 more to go. Looks like I'll be up a while. Looks like I can take a shower and get a lot of reading done since I'm reading the first book I've read in over a year. So far it's good. Hasn't gotten to the gross stuff yet, but maybe after 3 hours of reading I can finish it, who knows. And I'll let those of you that haven't read Fast Food Nation know whether or not it's a good book.

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Heart Diamond!

You wear your heart on your sleeve, so of course you should also wear it on your ring. A heart diamond is the perfect choice for highlighting your passionate disposition. Only a true romantic can get away with wearing this ring. Luckily, that's you. And only a true romantic can give you this ring, so make sure you find him...!

Hmmmm, Matt, better be paying attention lol.

I'm such a fuckin idiot. I swear. It hasn't even been a week since I've had my MP3 player and I've already lost it. I'm assuming I left it at the gym. Hopefully a kind person found it and turned it in so I can once again have it in my possession. But who knows with people this day in age. And why they would want something they can't change the music too is beyond me. But I guess I'll try to be a little optimistic. I called the gym and told them to call me ASAP to let me know if anyone turned it in since they're closed now. Ugh. This pisses me off. And I was going to go on a run tonight too. Figures when you experience a bit of good luck, some bad luck has to turn around and bite you in the ass. I found a dollar today while walking the dogs (the good luck) but I would gladly trade finding that dollar for finding my MP3 player. Am I already experiencing Alzheimers? I'm screwed. Fuck me.

It's really frustrating when you want to work out and none of your workout tapes want to work in the DVD player. Hello DVD's I thought you were supposed to make me un-fat. Not prevent me from working out. Looks like I'll be going to the track to run outside when Matt gets home at 11. I could be in bed by then, but no. Stupid workout DVDs.